RL “They just laugh at me”: The real reason Billie Eilish felt “incredibly offended” by the public’s reaction to her tics after her 2022 Letterman appearance.
Global superstar Billie Eilish exploded onto the music scene as a teenager, but beneath the dark aesthetic and monumental success lay a deep personal struggle, chronicled by the sobering admission: “I don’t want to be dark, but I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17.”
The singer deliberately avoided discussing her mental health battles for years, fearing invalidation. This reluctance was compounded by the profound public scrutiny she faced when she finally disclosed her diagnosis of Tourette’s Syndrome (TS), leading to a feeling of profound isolation and emotional exhaustion, especially when the public reacted to her involuntary tics by laughing.
The Silent Battle: Depression and the Fear of Being “Unstable”
Eilish’s darkest period coincided with her explosive rise following the success of her debut album, When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? (2019). Her mental health struggle, which included clinical depression and self-harm, began after a hip injury at age 13 prematurely ended her dream of being a professional dancer.
- The Avoidance: For much of her early career, Eilish shielded her mental health struggles, fearing that she would be perceived as “faking it” or drawing attention away from her music. She admitted, “It hurt me to see that. I was a 16-year-old girl who was really unstable.”
- The Confession: In a 2020 interview on The Gayle King Grammy Special, Eilish confessed to experiencing suicidal thoughts, recalling a moment of isolation in a Berlin hotel in 2018 when she was “so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless.”
- Artistic Expression: This inner turmoil was channeled into her music, where her song “Bury a Friend” (2019), co-written with her director and producer brother, Finneas O’Connell, featured the chilling lyric, “I wanna end me,” which she later confirmed reflected her genuine thoughts at the time.
Tourette’s Syndrome: Mockery and Feeling Offended
The intense pressure and feeling of being misunderstood intensified when Eilish addressed her neurological condition. Eilish was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome (TS), a neurological disorder characterized by involuntary, repetitive movements and vocalizations called tics, at the age of 11.
- Initial Hiding: She initially kept the diagnosis private, only sharing it on an Instagram story in November 2018 after fans began posting compilations of her tics online, often mocking or misinterpreting them. She wrote that she never mentioned it because she didn’t want people to “think of tourettes every time they think of me.”
The most painful public scrutiny arrived when she appeared on David Letterman’s Netflix series, My Next Guest Needs No Introduction, in 2022.
- The Cruel Reaction: Eilish confessed to Letterman that the most common reaction she receives from the public regarding her tics is that “they just laugh at me.” She stated that people often assume she is trying to be funny or make a strange gesture, an experience that leaves her “incredibly offended.”
- Emotional Impact: This persistent feeling of being mocked for an involuntary chronic condition contributed to a profound emotional exhaustion and withdrawal. This experience reinforced her initial fear that her struggles would be met with dismissal rather than empathy, intensifying the isolation she felt during her battle with depression.
Despite her personal battles, Eilish’s candor and her sustained artistic output have had a monumental impact. Her music, created with Finneas O’Connell, has achieved massive commercial and critical success, including her Grammy-winning track “Bad Guy” and her Oscar-winning song “No Time to Die.”
- Data on Awareness: Her openness has been widely credited by medical professionals and advocacy groups for significantly increasing public awareness of both clinical depression in teens and Tourette’s Syndrome, normalizing these difficult conversations and encouraging other young people to seek help.
- Solace in Art: Today, Eilish manages her TS and noted that her tics often subside when she is focused on performing, a testament to the solace and focus she finds in her art, which ultimately helped pull her through her darkest years.
